I Got Ghosted On by a Woman I Was Into. Do I Have to Move On?
Dear Maggie,
I go on a lot of dates (some would say too many), and they all seem to follow this particular pattern:
1) First date where we hit it off. 2) A few more, followed by getting to know each other. 3) And then, kerplunk, things will just fizzle out or I get ghosted on!
It came out of the blue! Not even mad but just frustrated! You put in all this effort, get to know somebody, put yourself out there, think it's going somewhere, and then they disappear. It would have been nice to just be told point blank that "Hey, I'm just not feeling this anymore, let's just call it a day." Sure, it may not be what you want to hear, but to me it's better than being ghosted on. It's not like the girls I go on these dates with owe me anything. But I'm always kind of curious as to why this has become a "thing" in the dating world these days. You know?
Objectively speaking, I'm a pretty good-looking dude, have a good job, and I'd like to think I'm friendly and get along with people. Four of the last six girls I've gone out with have just ghosted on me out of nowhere. I guess that's the new norm these days. I mean, if it's just not there, it's just not there and that's fine. But it seems as if there's no courtesy anymore. What's your take on this?
----------------------------------------
Illustration by Liza Corsillo
It’s Do I Have To? Practical advice for skeptical adults.
Dear Maggie,
I go on a lot of dates (some would say too many), and they all seem to follow this particular pattern:
1) First date where we hit it off. 2) A few more, followed by getting to know each other. 3) And then, kerplunk, things will just fizzle out or I get ghosted on!
It came out of the blue! Not even mad but just frustrated! You put in all this effort, get to know somebody, put yourself out there, think it's going somewhere, and then they disappear. It would have been nice to just be told point blank that "Hey, I'm just not feeling this anymore, let's just call it a day." Sure, it may not be what you want to hear, but to me it's better than being ghosted on. It's not like the girls I go on these dates with owe me anything. But I'm always kind of curious as to why this has become a "thing" in the dating world these days. You know?
Objectively speaking, I'm a pretty good-looking dude, have a good job, and I'd like to think I'm friendly and get along with people. Four of the last six girls I've gone out with have just ghosted on me out of nowhere. I guess that's the new norm these days. I mean, if it's just not there, it's just not there and that's fine. But it seems as if there's no courtesy anymore. What's your take on this?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Here’s what sucks about ghosts, paranormal and romantic: They’re unknown entities. Their existence, because it is not explained, is confusing and reality-upending. The unknown is powerful and frustrating and fascinating and haunting.
Let’s try a roundabout approach. There is a reasonable WikiHow explainer for dealing with ghosts called: "How to Get a Ghost Out of Your House." Among some information about "infrasound" detectors and burning sage, there are some good notes about being a human and dealing with the unknown (getting ghosted on!) in a rational, curious, open-minded fashion. Let’s take some sentences out of context, shall we?
